How long would it last?
by bromance
Summary: Episode 6.11 - One Tree Hill in the 40's. Nathan/Haley! The story is about four years later – still in the fourtys. Haley’s waiting for Nathan…
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** How long would it last (after Episode 6.11)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

**About:** The story is about four years later – still in the fourtys. Haley's waiting for Nathan…

**Summary:** She tried to concentrate on her song again. But every time she saw the little chest on her nightstand she remembered how long she had been wating for a new letter – more than one year. She wrote him every week and sent the letters to his unit and two weeks ago all the letters she wrote the last months came back – unopened, but with a note, that they couldn't be delivered.

**Note:** I'm a german girl… so my english is NOT perfect. Please don't be so strict when you read it. Thanks to Nikki and Annika for proofreading.

* * *

**For and half years later **

Haley lay on her bed and thought about the new song she wanted to write. She thought about the lyrics, what would she sing about? As always when she tried to be concentraded all she could think about was Nathan. She had lived more than four years in that room above _Karen's Cafe_. Just a room with a little kitchenette and a bathroom. She left her apartment and moved into this room to save the money. Money she had planed for a house, children and her future – with Nathan. She arranged the room with love and bought some new furniture.

The first days after Nathan left were the hardest. Everything had happend so fast. Meeting him, falling for him, marrying him and then… losing him. Questions toiled her almost every night.

How long would it last until she forgot the sound of his voice?  
How long would it last until she forgot the little mole under his right eye?  
How long would it last until she forgot how he smelt?  
How long would it last until she forgot his last words?  
How long would it last until she forgot about the pavilion?  
How long would it last until every little memory was gone?  
How long would it last until she would get a message from him?  
How long would it last until he got her letters?

After she told Lucas that she married Nathan he gave her a picture. It was made after Lucas had taken over the Cafe from his mother. It showed Nathan behind the bar. Haley put he picture into a golden, precious picture-frame and arranged it on the little chest on her nightstand. The little chest she kept all of his letters in.

Everytime she saw the picture she remembered the little mole and the light in his eyes. She had written down his last words „best day in my life" and put the little piece of paper on her mirror. It reminded her of everyting every time she saw it. The pavilion, the wedding, the wedding-night, the goodbye.

His after shave stood in the bathroom so she always remembered his smell. Today, after more than four years, his clothes didn't smell like him anymore.

And she was sure she would still know his voice the second she would hear it.

She tried to concentrate on her song again. But every time she saw the little chest on her nightstand she remembered how long she had been wating for a new letter – more than one year. She wrote him every week and sent the letters to his unit and two weeks ago all the letters she wrote the last months came back – unopened, but with a note, that they couldn't be delivered.

Everytime a soldier came to the Cafe Haley got panic he could probably come to tell her that Nathan was hurt or dead.

She knew every letter by heart, every single word… and with every letter she got, she fell more for him. He was smart, sensitive and when he wrote about the army, the people he met or the bad things that had happen, his feelings and how proud he was to be her husband, she could feel his angst, his pride, his brave and his love. Every word made her brave.

Today she knew she had made the right decision, she had married the right guy. She looked on the paper in front of her. Without knowing she had written „Always and Forever". The last words she ever spoke to him.

Time worked against her. War was everywhere. Every day she got new reports about young men who died in war or ended up in captivity. Every day Haley saw women crying after they found the names of their husbands or sons on the list of those who were killed in action.

In 1943 she read the name „Scott, Nathaniel" on the list. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry in front of all the other women. She had promised herself to be strong and to wait. It was just a name. There was more than just one Nathaniel Scott in America. As long as no one showed up to tell her – his wife – that he was dead, she wouldn't believe it.

This purpose worked as long as she wasn't alone in her room. The second she closed the door behind herself, the second she saw his picture, she started to cry and cursed the war again.

To be ready when someone shows up to tell her that she's a widow now and to make sure that Nathan's dead body will come home, so she can bury him, she searched all of his documents. His birth certificate, their marriage certificate, everything she was able to find. She didn't knew what she would need but she wanted to be ready for every circumstance.

When she looked at the documents she realized his name was written as „Nathan Scott" and also on his birth certificate was only the name „Nathan", not „Nathaniel". Two days later she heard the dead soldier was from Charleston. This time she broke down. This time she wasn't able to stay strong in front of the other women. The second she knew it wasn't her husband she broke down and cried.

One week later their little wedding-chapell in the park burned down. A thunderstorm came down that night and a lighting met the tree beside the chapel. Haley knew it was just an accident, but she became really worry that it probably was also a sign. The wedding-chapel was gone, destroyed.

She lived for her music. She had written a lot of lovesongs the last years and a lot of people who had lost someone they loved or waited for a message or a return – like she did – loved her songs.

Lucas became a really close friend to her. Since the night Nathan was gone, Lucas had changed a lot. He didn't talk about what had happen, but Haley knew, it had something to do with Dan Scott, who left town a few days later. And Peyton Sawyer was dead.

Lucas became really thoughtful and was very quiet. He also became close to Brooke Davis, tried to help her with her fashiondesigns and Brooke's father worked as a barkeeper at the Cafe.

Haley looked at the picture again. She couldn't stop to thinking about him. Not for a minute. She couldn't suppress that there was probably only one reason why he didn't answer her letters anymore and why her last letters were undelivered. „You promised me to come back", she whispered. „You better not forget that."

She tried again to be concentrate. War was over, every day soldiers came home. Every day she stood at the airport and waited for him. Every day she walked home alone, just to come back the next day. She was only one in a million, she knew it.

_If I could have just one wish,  
I would wish to wake up everyday  
to the sound of your breath on my neck,  
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,  
the touch of your fingers on my skin,  
and the feel of your heart beating with mine…  
Knowing that I could never find that feeling  
with anyone other than you._

She looked on the paper, read what she had written and closed her eyes. She felt guilty, guilty for alle the moments she thought about to stop waiting and move on. Sometimes her mind was taking control for a few minutes and tells her to ignore her feelings and to realize that there _is_ only one reason why he didn't answer her letters anymore, why her letters were undelivered and why he didn't came home yet. He was dead. Then her feelings came back and remembered her that she promised him to wait, always and forever and that there could be many reasons why she hadn't heard anything from him for a long time.

Sometimes she got scared that this was kind of a punishment for all the weak moments when she questioned everything. Haley never was religious, but she had pray a lot in the last years.

A knock at the door frighten her and she sighed quietly. She turned on her dressing gown and tied it up. For sure it was Lucas to ask her to sing tonight, even if it was her free night. He did that very often, because people loved her and she loved their attention. For a few hours she could forgot how lonely she was. With a smile on her face she opend the door and frightened again when she saw an uniform. A cold shiver ran down her spine. A soldier…

He would tell her she was a widow…  
He would tell her Nathan was dead …

* * *

Haley lifted up her head and snapped for breath when she realized that it was Nathan who stood in front of her. His eyes, his look, she didn't forgot anything. He looked terrible. His cheeks were hollow, he was thin and very dirty. The black full beard in his face made him look a lot older than he was.

„Hi", he said.

„O my god", she answered and didn't know what she should do, cry or laugh. Should she hug him or should she ask him to come in? She had seen a lot of very stormy hugs at the airport and she always dreamed of falling into his arms again, but this wasn't the airport, this wasn't a place were many other women waited for someone to return from war. They were alone in this room. Haley felt totally swamped by the situation.

She took his rough, dirty hand in hers and pulled him into the room before she closed the door. Then she touched him, his arms and his chest to make sure that he was real and that this wasn't a dream again. She took his sac and threw it onto the armchair before she looked at him again. She waited so long for this moment and now the moment had come and she didn't know what to say. „Nathan."

Nathan could see the helplessness in her eyes. She felt the same like he did. For months he hadn't heard anything from her and after all this time he stopped believing in seeing her again. He didn't expect her to be still here. He was ready to face a stranger when he knocked on the door. „I'm sorry, I'm late."

Haley shook her head and took his hand again. It felt like abrasive paper and if wasn't able to see his skin through all the dust. „Are you okay?"

„Do I look okay?" he answered and lifted up his eyebrowns.

She laughed, even if she didn't want to. „No, you look horrible."

„But you still look beautiful", he replied. „I am a little thirsty."

„Yes, of course." She nodded and went to the kitchenette to bring him some water. She felt her own hand shaking when she tried to fill the glas with water. She gave it to him and watched him drinking. Her heart was racing more than ever. He was back, he came home. He was alive.

„Sit down", she said and pulled him to the bed while she touched his shoulder-length hair, his face, the beard. „O my god", she breathed and tears showed up in her eyes.

„I guess I smell a little", he smiled at her.

„Yes, you do", she laughed without taking her look from him. A few seconds later tears ran down her face and she sniffled. „You're back."

Nathan could have sat there and looked at her forever. To see her again recouped him for everything. She looked beautiful. Her hair got a little longer. But the first thing he saw was her weddingring. She still wore it. She didn't took it off. „You're so beautiful."

Haley tried to smile, but it didn't work. She wraped her arms around his neck and sat down on his lap. She embraced him as strong as possible and put her face on his neck, while she was still sniffling. „Thank God you're alive. You're alive."

„Sometimes I doubted it", he whispered and answered the embrace. He closed his eyes and breathed hard. She felt so good. „But right now I know I'm alive."

Haley couldn't keep her tears. She kissed his neck, his cheek, his eyes, his nose, his lips, until she was sure, it wasn't a dream, it was for real. He was for real, he was back. „Don't you dare to leave me again."

Nathan kept his eyes closed while she leaned her forhead against his and smiled. He would never leave her again. She was the only reason why he was still alive. „I'm all yours."

Haley was frightened when she realized how ruthless she was. She looked at him. „You have to be tired", she said concerned.

He shook his head and opened his eyes. „I slept on the train."

She whipped away her tears and smiled at him. „You came by train?"

„Yeah."

„I…", she fondled his cheek. „I waited at the airport every day."

Nathan also touched her cheek. Her skin was warm and wet from her tears. „The waitinglists for the flights were endless long and … I wanted to come home as soon as possible… to you. Actually, yeah, I think I would have been faster if I would have waited for a flight."

Haley laughed, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his again. „I was so scared that you won't come back."

_I was scared you wouldn't be here anymore when I came back_, he thought and closed his eyes again. He loved her touches, it reminded him why he had survived.

„I …would love to take a bath."

Haley looked at him, nodded and put a hand on his cheek. „I readied you a bath." She fondled his face while she looked into his eyes. Even if everything changed, his eyes were still the same. His look was full of love and pride. „It's not a dream, isn't it?"

„I hope not", he replied.

Haley smiled at him and started to unbuttoned his jacket. It was dusty and dirty. „I will burn it, all of it." She also put off his dusty and smelling shirt and got shocked when she saw how thinny he became. She could see his ribs. And there was a scar under his left breast. „What's that?"

„It was a knife", Nathan answered while he kept his look on her. He didn't want to talk about the war, not now. He didn't want to talk about his injuries, the attacks, the fear and the hope. He just wanted to be… home. She looked concerned and he knew she was insecure. Four years were a really long time. In effect he was a stranger. In effect she was a stranger. But at the same time she was his family. Since the second he saw her, more than four years ago, he knew she was something special. „I missed you."

Haley looked at him again, fondled his cheek again and nodded. „I missed you, too, Nathan Scott."

Nathan wanted to believe her, but he was still afraid. Afraid of tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the future. What had happen in her four years?

„I tought you were … injured or dead when you stopped writing", she continued while her fingers played with his long hair.

„I wrote you every week", he answered pleading. „You have to believe me, Haley."

„I do." Haley saw the angst in his eyes. Angst about what? That she wouldn't believe him? She kissed his cheek and closed her eyes briefly. She knew they had to talk about a lot. The last four years happend. But she also knew this wasn't the right time. „I draw you a bath and… make you something to eat."

He smiled at her. „I'm fine."

„Don't disagree with me, Mister", she said and stood up from his lap. „I am your wife and from now on I will take care of you."

Nathan looked after her when she went into the bathroom. Then he looked down. „I can't wait for it."

He looked through the room, she had changed a lot but it looked more comfortable than before. It looked like home. His home, their home. He wondered if it really was his home, too.


	2. Chapter 2

A few minutes later Haley packed his uniform into a big plastic bag. She rummaged through the bags to make sure that she wouldn't burn anything he probably wanted to keep. When she reached into the right bag of his jacket she could feel a piece of paper. It was very worn, dirty and torn.

She took a deep breath when she realized that it was a picture of her, one of the posters Lucas had fixed on the outside of the Cafe to show people that she was his singer.

Haley looked to the bathroom. He must have taken the picture before they met, before they got married. She closed her eyes briefly and packed the jacket and the boots into the plastic bag. She put the bag beside the chimney und nodded to herself. She wouldn't burn it without him.

She placed the poster on the nightstand und knocked on the bathroom door. „Can I come in?"

„Sure."

She sat down on the side of the bath tub and looked at him. He had changed the water in the meantime. Without all the dust and dirt he looked more human.

She put her hand on his cheek and smiled at him when she saw that he closed his eyes. She felt nervous and she knew, she couldn't hide it. He was back and she was very happy about it, but even if they had been married for more than four years now, he still was a stranger. A stranger who had written beautiful letters, letters she fell in love with. But she knew war did change people, it was unforgettable. But she couldn't say how and if the war had changed him.

„Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Nathan opened his eyes and looked at her. She was afraid, he could see it in her eyes. „I know you have a lot of questions. But… not now. I just want to be here… with you. It that okay for you?"

„Of course", she nodded. „Whatever you want." She smiled at him and touched his beard lightly. „I could give you a shaving."

He laughed. He knew the beard and the long hair made him look way older than he was. One look into the mirror had made it clear. And both – the hair and the beard – were memories of the war, memories he didn't want to keep. „Yes. You know, at the beginning it was okay, before we were on the way for weeks. We had a barber and… everything we needed. But the last months weren't so funny anymore."

Haley nodded. She took the shaver and pushed the little stool behind the bath tub, to sit down. She put one hand under his chin, so he could lean his head back onto her shoulder. „I still can't believe you're back."

„Neither can I."

She started the shaving and she enjoyed the minutes she was so close to him and could feel his closeness, his warmth and the safety. Without the beard he looked a lot more like he did when she first met him. But without the beard his face looked even more tired than before. His long-haired-look reminded Haley of the character in a novel she was reading. She laughed. „Now you look a little like Robin Hood." Her fingers passed through his wet hair. „We take care of that tomorrow."

Nathan took her hand and looked to her wedding ring. He remembered when she opend the door and her left hand leaned against it. He noticed the ring immediately. „I lost it."

„What?"

„My ring", he answered and shook his head. „I'm sorry. I don't know when it happened. One day it was lost."

„That doesn't matter." Haley knelt beside the bathtub and put her hand on his cheek. „It's just a ring."

„I kind of saw it as a bad sign when I realized that I lost it", Nathan said quietly and still looked to the golden ring on her hand. „As if a force majure tries to tell me, it's over. That you're gone."

Haley remembered the little chapel and how she had thought exactly the same when the building burned down. „It's just a ring. You're back, nothing else matters." She leaned forward to kiss him. „Nothing else matters."

"I can't believe you're still here", he whispered on her lips.

"I told you I will wait", she replied and closed her eyes. „Everything's gonna be okay. We're together."

Nathan still looked at her. He wanted to believe her more than anything. But the tension between them was obvious. She seemed to be very nervous. Was it because she was happy he was back? Or was it because she didn't expect him to come back? Maybe meanwhile she had different plans than being his wife. Life could change, feelings could change. It was her who showed him that even 24 hours could change everything. He was afraid and it was hard to hide it.

"Are you okay?" she asked and winked nervously when she realized that he kept looking at her.

„Yes, sorry, I… I'm hungry and tired. Maybe we can talk tomorrow?"

"Of course." She nodded and stood up. She had a bad feeling. She had dreamed about this moment, the moment they became a family, husband and wife and someday mother and father. But since he was back he seemed to be more far away than before. She heard a lot of stories about soldiers who came back from war and had changed a lot. Whenever she heard these stories she promised herself, that if he would come back to her, she would be patient. Whatever he needed, she would give it to him. „I heat up some food."

"Thank you."

* * *

Haley blinked dozily. She could hear the rain which drummed against the windows. It was dark in the room. She thought about the war, the moment when she heard that it was over and she thought about Nathan and when he would come back. And if he ever would come back… back home, to her.

She turned around and stretched her arm out. He was there, she could remember it. He stood in front of the door, he sat in the bath tub, she gave him a shaving. But all she could feel was the empty bed beside her. A cold pillow. She was wide awake, her heart raced. Was it just a dream? Again? „O no, please, God."

She turned on the light on her nightstand and turned around. The bed was empty, but it was used, someone had been lying there. „Nathan."

"I'm here."

She looked through the dark room and saw him in front of the window, as if he would watch the rain. She knew he couldn't see anymore. She had stood at this window for hours and now he stood there and looked at her.

"Did I wake you up?" he asked.

She crawled over the bed and went to him. Without saying one word she embraced him and put her head on his chest. „Thank god, thank god", she whispered. „I thought it was only a dream again."

Nathan took her head between his palms and looked at her. She kept her eyes closed and her chin leaned against his chest. He could feel her breath. „Everything is fine."

Haley kissed his breast and leaned her forehead against him. It wasn't fine. It should have been fine because they were back together, aber he didn't lie beside her, he woke up and left her alone in the bed. She touched the scar under his breast. „Does it hurt?"

"No", he answered and looked at her.

She touched his face while she answered his look. „Are you okay?"

Nathan could see the fear in his eyes, the care.

„I mean… are you really okay?" she repeated her question. „Why did you wake up? Did you have a nightmare? Or did you see pictures?"

"Pictures?" he asked bemused.

"Yes, they… they told us that some soldiers had mental illness after they came back from war because of what they had gone through. They said that this men had nightmares and couldn't sleep very well and… sometimes they started to drink to forget and they became… well…"

"Violent?" he finished her dialogue.

"Yeah."

„Are you afraid of me?"

Haley shook her head. „No, I didn't mean it that way. I…"

Nathan put a finger on his lips to silence her. He took her hand and went to the armchair. After he sat down he pulled her onto his lap. She buried her face on his neck and fondled his chest. He didn't want to talk about it but if he needed to to take the worries away from her he would. It seemed to be very important to her to talk.

"You don't have to come home to become mentally ill", he said while his fingers played with her curls. „There were a lot of young men who were really naive about war. And when the battles started they were shocked. They saw blood and mutilated bodies. Some broke down, some ended up in a state of shock and some started to drink to forgot, yes. We were afraid but we didn't really talk about it. Most of us had nightmares. Sometimes I could hear their cries of fear at night."

Haley looked at him. "Did you cry, too?"

"Sometimes", he nodded and hunched his shoulder. He answered her look and wished he would have more beautiful memories about the last four years. But the only really good thing he remembered was the day he left her. It was still the best day of his life. "At the beginning we were friends. At the beginning we didn't see a lot of the war. But then… Many soldiers died, sometimes by my side. At first I was shocked about it but then it became routine and then… I stopped caring about the others. That was the moment I cried. When I realized that I didn't care about the others anymore. It didn't matter who died, friend or enemy, I took notice of it and moved on. When the battles were over and you were still alive, you were one in a million. If you were dead you were a hero who died fighting for peace and for his country. A lot of these guys were awarded for their courage. They said it would make it easier for the families. I don't really believe that. I'm sure every mother and every widow would exchange that stupid thing for even one little moment with the boy who died."

Haley striped away his hair and closed her eyes briefly. „Thanks for not being brave."

„Sometimes it seemed as if they wanted us to die", Nathan continued. „They didn't, but… it was weird. We weren't a unit anymore. Some gave up, some committed suicide. And the one who wanted to survive needed something to survive for." He smiled at her. „Thanks for giving me something to believe in. I survived for this moment."

She nodded and tried to hide her tears. „Me, too. I stayed fort his moment."

Nathan leaned forward to kiss her. He leaned his forehead against hers and enjoyed the moment. „How are you?"

Haley put her hand on his cheek. „I'm fine. Most of time we didn't hear anything about the war. Only if I… if I saw a soldier or someone told us something or there were new lists with all the victims. I tried not to think about it, especially the last year when I didn't get any letters anymore. The Cafe is very popular and Lucas is very busy in keeping it open. It works very well. I have a lot of fans or… we do have a lot of fans."

"We?"

"You and me", Haley laughed and kissed his nasal tip. „I have written some songs … about us, about my feelings and people love these songs. Some were asking me about the man in my songs and some of them keep asking about you and if I got some news. Some came into the Cafe just to ask me about you."

„Did you ever think about giving up?" he asked and shook his head. „That's not a trick question."

Haley looked down. „Sometimes. I had an offer to go on tour, a theatre tour. I thought it was a little inappropriate at war, but… they were very successful and asked me to come with them. That was two years ago. Whenever my mind got the upper hand I thought about giving up. But… I always listened to my heart and so… I stayed."

Nathan nodded and smiled at her. Even in this dark light her big brown eyes beamed. „It was hard to keep the trust. Especially when I didn't get any letters anymore. They told me it was problematic with overseas because of the war, but… after a few months I started to get worried. If you have time to think about it, you can easily lose your mind. I was really scared you changed your mind and stopped waiting. And I was also scared you probably fell for someone else and left town with him. Or you left alone because you realized that I'm still a stranger and that I was wrong to mar…"

"I love you", she interrupted him and looked in his eyes. „I love you, Nathan. I do. I know every letter by heart, every single word. I trusted you, I knew you are a fighter, I knew as long you can, you will come back. I fell in love with that man. With my husband. I was very … no, I am very proud to be your wife, Nathan Scott. You make me brave. I love you. I always will."

He tried to answer something but no words seemed to be right, so he decided to kiss her. It took a load off his mind. She took it away, every little doubt he had… He remembered the first letter she ended with _I love you_. It was also the last letter he got. But now she said it, he heard it, with her voice. She said I love you.

Haley answered the kiss, which became very passionate. He was back, finally. She could feel how his body relaxed, she could feel how he let her in.

He started kissing her neck and she felt relieved and sighed. She touched his cheek and required another kiss, which left them both breathless. „You're back… you're home."

„Home", Nathan repeated her words.

„I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too", he whispered on her lips. „Every day, every hour, every minute."

She moved closer to him, her lips touched his lightly. "I want you. I want to be with you." She saw how he closed his eyes when she started to kiss his face and she could feel his hands under her nightdress.

"Well… it was… it has been a really long time."

"Yeah", Haley answered and looked at him. "I know, I was there, too, remember?"

He laughed and shook his head. "Right, I remember."

Nathan stood up and carried her to the bed. He was with her… nothing else mattered.

**THE END**


End file.
